Boost your business success with supportive friends only, cut off toxic people and learn how identify the last ones.
Yesterday my client, frustrated with his business success, accused his friend of limiting him. He was feeling blocked by him. Like he was intentionally holding him back from reaching his big dreams.
So he assumed that to free himself, he first needs to get rid of his friend and all those people with a negative influence on him.
At least that’s what most success gurus say we should do.
But in my opinion, you need to have a closer, more differentiated look at things to see the hidden dynamic and choose the right action.
Initially I thought, I was not trying hard enough.
Or not knowing enough.
So I bought courses after courses and learned tactics after tactics, combined them into strategy after strategy.
Again it didn't work.
Every single time when I thought I had it, it I still didn't sell anything.
I knew, I was missing something, but had no clue what it was.
If I'm honest, at my lowest point, I even thought there must have been a curse or something like it.
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Business Success Trap #1: PROJECTION
First, let’s start with a thought-experiment:
Take a deep breath, relax…
And then think about your business success and the big dreams you want to achieve.
But now, instead of visualizing what you want and suppressing all the negative yeah, but’s, allow yourself to become fully aware of them.
And write them down.
And then observe the voice in your head, telling you can’t have it, closer.
Whose voice is it?
Can you identify it as someone you know?
Whom does it remind you of?
What is the first person coming to your mind?
Does somebody come to your mind who you know?
Now you see the residual impact some people might still have on you.
So was my client right? Is his friend really his business success obstacle?
Let me tell you one important truth – people in our lives are NEVER the reason for our failure. That’s our responsibility only.
But they can definitely have a negative influence on us.
There are people who are truly toxic and dangerous to be with.
So how to distinguish one from the other?
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If my client feels bad in the environment of his friend, why is it so?
Does it mean he’s a bad company?
Not when we are projecting.
Actually, his friend wishes him all the best. They only have a different way of processing the information of the world around them.
His friend shows his support by getting detailed information before deciding and making life changing decisions.
But other than that he never did or said anything to stop my client from having the business success he loves to have.
So in reality, he was only a symbol of my client’s very own limitations.
It’s crazy, but he mostly made all these thoughts of not getting support up in his mind. And it’s not only him, we all do it!
This mechanism of the psyche is called projection.
That’s when we project our beliefs on others as a defense mechanism.
We use this unconscious tactic when we deny having negative thoughts, qualities or limitations in us but instead attribute them to others.
This way it’s usually easier to deal with the issue as we must not take responsibility for it and can put the blame on others.
(So we don’t have to dig deeper to discover the core of the problem – often an early childhood influence that was destructive on us.)
Their influence on our business success:
People in this scenario, who we project our stuff onto are completely guiltless of our mind-chatter.
Business Success Trap #2: LIMITED MINDSET
On the other hand, it is important to surround ourselves with people having a growth mindset.
People with a static mindset have a different view of life.
They don’t see the possibilities and usually abhor change.
Very likely, we won’t get the desired support and motivation from them.
At a certain point, we’ll very probably have to choose if we want to stay comfortable and static or to chase our dreams.
Keep in mind that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with! So surrounding yourself with likeminded people IS a game changer.
Their influence on our business success:
They don’t have bad intentions, but a different way of looking at life.
And their presence in our lives very likely won’t support our dreams and aspirations in a positive, encouraging way.
Business Success Trap #3: TOXIC PEOPLE
But some people actually wield a negative influence on us, especially when we were young.
The more negative and controlling the more destructive and toxic those people are.
Toxic people are capable of totally sabotaging our business success and overall happiness in life.
The problem is, we might not be aware of their influence unless we become see the underlying dynamic.
That’s not easy to do.
They are usually really skilled in building up power over us.
Usually, toxic people in our childhood set the base for more toxic people to come into our lives in our adulthood as we never learned to set clear boundaries or build healthy connections to others.
So the cycle repeats itself.
That kind of people both in the past and in the present will not only drain our energy but undermined our confidence as well as limit our overall success in life.
So you need to get clear who is what – toxic or supportive in your life. This week’s empowerment kit will help you distinguish which one of your friends is what - supportive or draining? Click here for a SPECIAL OFFER!- With only your FIRST click, you activate a one-time offer at 80% off!)
How are toxic people bad for your business success?
While writing this article also one of my own childhood memories popped up…
It was a sentence that my mother often said to me.
And it wasn’t a nice thing.
Even though it always hurt, I was quite used hearing it.
Her words were…
“Nobody will ever like you if you are this mean!”
From her point of view, I was “mean” when I dared to say “No” to her wishes and didn’t do what she wanted.
Even though I felt bad, I didn’t realize as a kid how manipulative this really was.
And it harmed my business success when I started my private counseling practice as I had difficulties saying no to clients who needed my help. So I had 60 h work-weeks of private counseling and felt suffocated by my success instead of enjoying it. It took me quite a while to realize the connection and solve it.
Their influence on our business success:
Toxic people do have bad intentions, as they try to manipulate and force their ideas down our throat. As those people are toxic, we should get rid of them. The faster, the better.
So let’s get back to our experiment. What was your mind-chatter telling you? Were you surprised? Or even shocked?
Whatever you discovered…
Don’t feel bad about it! It’s actually great to discover such internal dialogues! Because what you don’t know will hurt you!
If you’re aware of them or not, they WILL affect you one way or the other. Might they have been projected or based on reality.
But once you realize that they are still a part of your life and affecting you, you can change that.
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Stopping and escaping the influence of toxic or highly negative people is of the utmost importance. Get out of their zone of influence as fast as possible. They cost you energy and will dampen your spirit. There’s no reason you should keep up with them.
Take full responsibility for your own issues. No blaming, no projections on others. Or at least be aware of the mechanism and second guess your behavior. But that’s still not enough. Obviously you can’t stop there.
These people made an imprint on you. They have somehow shaped you. Your thoughts, your feelings, and behavior. So getting rid of their physical presence is not enough. You need to get rid of their mark on you and work with your mindset to reset and clear it for you to get the business success you want and deserve to have.
Want me to help you declutter your mind to boost your business success? Here’s how we do it!
To your greatness!