How do you know your dreams and goals are yours indeed?
I often dreamed about my graduation.
In my mind I had a clear picture of myself, holding my Master’s degree, beaming with joy, elation, and proudness.
It was very different though when it actually happened.
I still remember sitting there and getting honored,…
While I was watching my daughter, my boyfriend, my parents, friends and felt… NOTHING!
So having a purpose is essential but equally important is that you’re sure it’s not an imposed one.
Imposed means you’re following others’ expectations and standards but not your own.
On the other hand, knowing and following your soul purpose means you’re having your personal guiding light.
It’s like following your north star.
It guides you.
It lights you the way.
And it also makes you immune to others’ intentions and decisions.
How to tell the difference between imposed or authentic goals and purpose?
How do you know when you’re taking on other peoples’ aims and believe them to be your own?
Honestly, it’s not easy.
Actually it might have happened already, slowly and unconsciously without your knowledge, when you were a child.
That’s when you learned to follow others guidance and orders. After all, you’re too small to understand the dangers of the world. You needed the adults around you to guide you: Your parents, grandparents, teachers, babysitters…
Usually, there are many people whom you learned to follow and obey. And often it was for your own good. But not always.
The dynamics of adopting an imposed purpose
Let’s have a look at the negative dynamics of an imposed purpose.
1. YOU TRUST OTHERS TO KNOW BETTER:
You absorbed and accepted the aims of adults as being true and valid for you when you were small because you trusted them to mean well.
2. YOU START TO IDENTIFY WITH THEIR GOALS:
After the years passed by you believed those aims to be your own. If you never second-guess if they right for you...
3. YOU START TO FOLLOW THEIR GOALS:
With this, you unconsciously started following other’s expectations and standards.
4. THESE GOALS DON'T MAKE YOU HAPPY:
But once you reach your aims, you feel empty and shallow instead of inspired and might even think “That couldn’t have been all!”
5. YOU KEEP PURSUING THE WRONG GOALS:
Instead of quitting you keep pursuing the wrong aims because you’re too afraid to change your life and /or to disrupt and disappoint your parents or people you care for.
6. YOU RATIONALIZE WHY IT'S OKAY:
So you limit and comfort yourself by telling (and convincing yourself) that you should be content with what you have because others have it worse than you.
7. YOU'RE SETTLING:
As a consequence, you stop growing because you settle with less than you could have and deny yourself what your heart and soul longs for.
So how do you know that your aspirations are yours indeed?
Like always, one key factor is awareness.
That’s crucial because the consequences are harsh!
Following the wrong purpose and believing it to be your own, won’t make you happy. It can’t because you’re literally living somebody else’s life.
My most favorite film scene ever
One of my most favorite films (I love dancing!) is Center Stage.
It’s about a group of ballet dancers and the selection process they need to undergo to win a place in the dance company of the American Ballet Academy.
The training is brutal and the competition harsh.
Everybody knows, only a selected few will make it.
One of the sure winners, as everybody assumes, will be Maureen.
She has studied ballet since her earliest childhood and is the star of the trainees.
Everybody envies her, and nobody sees how much she suffers. Even she herselve is unaware of it far too long. But then she and her mother have a showdown, where Maureen tells her mother, she’ll quit.
Her mother is shocked and begs her not to give up all her dreams! The very dreams she worked for her whole life. And then Maureen replies…
“No it wasn’t my dream, it was your. But you haven’t had the body to do it, and I don’t have the heart for it!…!”
I don’t know how often I’ve seen this film already, but this was always one of my favorite scenes. Finally, there's total clarity, full responsibility, and undivided authenticity.
At this point in life, she didn’t know what she wanted. She just knew, what she hated doing and was willing to stop it.
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To your greatness!
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- 4 Questions you need to ask yourself to reach any goal.
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